Blown Fuse

I be intelligent.

Via Irk.

63 Questions

Via Shank by way of Jenelle and so on.

1) How old do you wish you were? Actually if I could be as old as I am indefinately, I'd be perfectly happy.

2) Where were you when 9-11 happened? I was sitting in front of a computer in the English department at UNC typing up graduate student information (fun job...NOT.). The department secretary had a teeny tiny t.v. on her desk. When she said that someone had flown a plane into the tower, I thought she was pulling my leg.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Allow the word "FUCK" to echo loudly in my head and then walk away. On particuarly stupid days, I put even MORE money in and try again.

4) Do you consider yourself kind? Certain people would probably disagree, but deep down inside once you defeat the fiery dragon guarding my ego, I'm a softy.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? On the bottom of my foot. I'm sick of the tattoo I've got - I don't want any more visible ones.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? Basque. From the native speakers I've encountered, they always seem to be either slurring or mumbling. Perfect for my lazy tongue.

7) Do you know your neighbors? Yep. Except the ones I suspect are tapping into my wireless internet connection.

8) What do you consider a vacation? Sitting in the same spot for six hours and not feeling like I forgot to do something.

9) Do you follow your horoscope? No. If anything, I won't even read it until the day's over. I do put a little more belief than I should in star sign personality traits, though.

10) Would you move for the person you loved? You didn't ask how far.

11) Are you touchy feely? Only with my son. I don't do PDA, either.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? Nope. In my experience, that's fodder for dysfunction.

13) Dream job? Staying at home with The Kid.

14) Favorite channel(s)? Um. Spike, I guess.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? A.C. Moore if I have money.

16) Showers or Baths? Baths, but the tub has to be deep/wide enough to make me float when I lean back.

17) Do you paint your nails? Only when I need a boost to my self-esteem.

18) Do you trust people easily? Heck no. You think Homo sapien survived this long by trusting Neanderthals in the beginning?

19) What are your phobias? I have a huge fear of having my house broken into while I'm in it.

20) Do you want kids? I think the operative question here is "Do you want more kids?" to which I'd answer "yes."

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? Not anymore.

22) Where would you rather be right now? At the bank depositing a million dollar check.

23) What makes you feel warm and safe? Mashed potatoes and a mailbox that doesn't have any bills in it.

24) Heavy or light sleeper? Sort of in-between. The cats don't wake me up when they're beating each other against the bedroom door, but I can usually hear the alarm clock...after two minutes or so.

25) Are you paranoid? No, too objective for that.

26) Are you impatient? Only when it comes to airports and Scott in the shower.

27) Who can you relate to? Most sensible, open-minded human beings.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? Ex-squeeze me?

29) Have you been burned by love? The only way a person my age can go through life without being burned is to have NEVER been in love before. If you're not hurt when it's over then you weren't in love.

30) What's your life motto? To always lock my car doors before driving downtown.

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Some techno thing that comes on when the caller i.d. pulls a real number.

32) What were you doing at midnight last night? Feeding The Kid.

33) Who was your last text message from? Friend of mine wondering if I've disappeared from the Earth.

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine/ours, whatever.

35) What color shirt are you wearing? White - great for bleaching baby stains, my friends.

36) What are you listening to right now? The sound of Roland thrashing around on my bed through the baby monitor.

37) Name three things you have on you at all times? You mean three things I carry when I'm not slumming in the house, right? An extra hair elastic, my grocery store discount cards, and my driver's license.

38) What color are your bed sheets? I change them frequently. Trying to trap me, huh?

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? I'm sure that if I emptied my various piggy banks and coin catch-alls I'd have about $3.

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? The cluck.

41) What's your fav city/place? Tyner, NC. Like I always say, it's not home if you don't want to go back.

42) I can't wait till . . . Roland sleeps through the night.

43) Who got you to set up a blog? Angela Nissel and her Broke Diaries. It seemed cathartic.

44) What did you have for dinner last night? Macaroni and cheese.

46) Have you ever smoked? Yes.

47) Do you own a gun? No.

48) Tea or Coffee? I'm a coffee person at heart, but while I'm breastfeeding I opt for hot tea.

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? A pregnant belly, a well-placed scowl, and obvious wedding ring. I don't know why it works, it just does.

50) Do you have A.D.D.? No, although as I progress through adulthood, I recognize that I'm guilty of tuning people out when they won't shut the hell up.

51) What time did you wake up today? I won't dignify that with a response. Ask The Kid.

52) Current worry? Employment, or lack thereof.

53) Current want? See 52.

54) Favorite place to be? Bed.

55) Where would you like to travel in the future? Contrary to what I stated in the previous post, I'd like to attend at least one Trek convention.

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? Geographically? Probably a mile or so from here. Professionally? I don't really care.

57) Last thing you ate? Leftover mac & cheese.

58) What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower. Scott may be hearing impaired, but all the same I won't subject him to that.

59) Last person that made you laugh? Scoop. (not exactly a rated PG podcast...just so you know.)

60) Worst injury you've ever had? I'm not particuarly accident prone, but the only injury that comes to mind is from being dropped from an extension during high school cheerleading practice. I fell head-first (because even though I told them to let go of my fucking feet, they wouldn't) and used my hand to break my fall. My wrist didn't break, but it was screwed up for several years after that.

61) Does someone have a crush on you? No one that knows I'm married, I hope.

62) What is your favorite candy? Depends on my mood. You can generally pacify me with a cow tail, though.

63) What song do you want played at your funeral? I don't want a funeral...just take me straight to my final resting place without all the to-do. My family can install a nice Jacuzzi tub with all the money they save.

Well then.

That means that there are at least nine other people who can spell it.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 10 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

via Erica.

Reader Poll Monday

Blog fodder courtesy of the mistress of swirl.

1. Watch a porno with your parents OR starring your parents?

With my parents...only if I can sit there with my fingers in my ears and blindfolded. It'd be bad enough having the two of them in the same room.

2. Lick the handle on a public restroom toilet OR eat a wad of toilet paper from the stall floor?

I'd rather lick the handle and then gargle with moonshine than actually have to digest it.

3. Be MC Hammer OR Vanilla Ice?

Vanilla Ice. We have the same amount of rhythm.

4. Be able to fly OR read people's minds?

I'd rather be able to fly. I don't think I'd appreciate having people talk shit about me and not be able to react with any evidence to back me up.

5. Have whatever you want for one year then die OR be paralyzed for life?

Assuming that "life" means until I'm 80 or so and that I'm in one of those motorized wheelchairs, I'd rather be paralyzed.

6. Have a permanent smile OR a permanent blank stare?

I already have the blank stare.

7. Be burned alive OR drown?

Shit. Drown.

8. Be known worldwide as a racist OR a child molestor?

Who wrote these questions? Racist, I guess, although that's pretty ironic given my circumstances.

9. Eat three pounds of hair OR drink a gallon of shampoo?

I think shampoo has stuff in it that makes you throw up if you ingest it, so I'd rather have that. I can't imagine sitting at my desk coughing up wads of hairballs.

10. Be god OR the devil?

Can I be God and then the devil on Halloween?

A Good Saturday Meme

Saw this at Susie's.

5 things in my fridge:
*Half a carton of orange juice
*Half of a half-gallon of milk that expired yesterday
*Bricks of extra-sharp cheese
*A case of Dr Pepper
*Half cans of wet cat food

5 things in my closet:
*The heavy winter comforter
*A plastic bin of stuff (graduation regalia, etc.) I need to store
*1 black belt I won't be able to get around my waist again until kiddo's in preschool
*Knee-high boots
*A hot pink baby blanket someone gave me for my cousin

5 things in my purse:
*Musician's Friend lip balm
*PalmOne
*Wallet
*iPod
*Cell Phone

5 things in my car:
*Briefcase of work training materials
*Blanket to protect carpet from Christmas tree
*Umbrella
*Five packs of Taco Bell "fire" sauce
*ATM deposit envelopes

5 people I want to torture with this meme:
*Smoke it if you got it.

Damn, I needed that.

Via Karsh. List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'

1. You don't need any more sneakers.

2. You're really not doing anyone any favors by offering that for a salary. The hints I make about how expensive gasoline is should fuel some thought about how much my and my assistant's salaries suck. It further bothers me that your yearly company" car payment is half my salary.

3. I don't listen to my voicemails because, ta da!, I have caller ID and I KNOW WHO CALLED ME!!! I don't need to hear anymore whining about why I won't speak to such-and-such. She knows why. If she pretends otherwise, she is not only a stingy strumpet, but also an idiot.

4. It's my baby, damn it. If I want to leave him or her at an in-law's house for a month during the summer, try and stop me. Further, if my half-white kid ends up sounding like Hillary Banks from "Fresh Prince," I expect nothing less than you telling me how cute it is.

5. Just because you're standing 6 feet from my desk doesn't mean you need to have a conversation with me. If I do not specifically make eye contact with you, do NOT ask me what I'm doing, or what I did over the weekend. Further, do not ask any follow-up questions when it was obvious from my tone of voice that I don't want to be harrassed. That's not my dry, witty humor coming out. That's my pisstivity. Move!

6. STOP CALLING ME TIFF! Continuing to shorten my name in any way will cause me to change how yours is spelled on all the company literature. That way, when random-ass people call in for you, they'll ask for you by your new "stage" name.

7. Stop asking me about the details of my sick days. No, I didn't have the flu. No, it wasn't allergies. When I say, "JUST SICK," that means that I'm too prudish to say that I was hungover, or else that I'm pregnant and don't want you in my business.

8. Quit trying to get me to coconspirit on work revolts. Stop logging things via email and forwarding them to like I'm going to print them out and keep them in some book. If you have a problem with certain coworkers, either confront them professionally or voice your concerns with the boss. I hate to be the one to tell you, but everyone you talk to about this thinks that you're incredibly paranoid. At the same time, while we feel there are grounds for many of your complaints, you don't express them the right way - don't try to drag other people down with you. We may be trying to leave, too, but we want to leave with clean references. I can't do anything for you - I'm the office manager. I shuffle paper. I pay the bills. I do the payroll. I don't want to organize your revolution. See #2 above - I don't get paid enough for that.

9. When you poop in the box, you have to take your little paw and cover it up with a little bit of the litter. See, let me show you. Just like that. If you have issues with the quality of your litter, please see the man with the wallet.

10. I feel sorry for whatever woman marries you, if you can find a woman that dumb. You're probably one of the most trifling individuals I've encountered in seven years.

Who?

Gimme some sugar baby.


Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Via Diana.

I actually had to Google "Give me some sugary, baby" to find out what the hell movie that was from. I've only seen part of this movie, but from what I did see it seemed pretty campy.

Damn, me too.

Karsh is at a loss for words. Me too. I've just been boring this week...sorry. I can talk about the cats some, if you'd like? No? Okay. Well, I guess I'll play a little truth or dare.

Ask me 4 questions. Any 4; no matter how random. I have to answer them honestly and I have to answer them all.

Have at it. Responses (as I write them) will be in the extended entry.

From Erica.

1. What's your favorite thing this week?

My favorite thing this week has been my iPod. I'm still learning all the features of it. I took my detachable computer speakers with me to work on Tuesday and plugged them into my iPod and us folks in the back of the office rocked out all day. The air guitar chorus to "Bohemian Rhapsody" was particuarly amusing.

2. What's on your feet right now?

A pair of Sperry Topsiders loafers....because I don't have any clean dress socks and they sort of accomodate that.

3. Look around. What's the first red thing you see?

A few red correction pencils in my pencil/pen cup.

4. What are you looking forward to?

I'm looking forward to sleeping in laaaaaaaaaaaaaaate on Saturday. I'll be skipping Pilates in favor of a warm blankey and drool on my pillow.

From Jim:

1. With spam now generally under control here at Munuviana, are you going to remove the forced comment preview dealie?

Just as soon as I figure out how to reverse my steps and recode the template, heh.

2. Where will your next vacation be?

Las Vegas if all goes well with the tax refunds.

3. Word association: Bloomberg.

Not Giuliani.

4. What is the average airspeed of an unladed swallow?

Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

From Keeme:

1. Do you consider yourself a success and why?

I consider myself to be a success at some things. Part of my personality is that I always want to jump forward and move on to the next great thing. Because of that I never really feel like I've "finished." The one thing that's really important to me to accomplish, being a published novelist, just isn't working out right now because of that whole problem of having a 9-5 job.

2. What is your deepest regret?

That I never learned to tell people when they hurt my feelings at the moment it happened.

3. What is your favorite memory?

Being on a Trailways bus with my grandma heading to New York and eating fried chicken she'd cooked earlier in the day. The smell of chicken in ziplock bags stored in the fridge always reminds me of that.

4. If you had financial serenity what would your life be like?

"Serenity," heh. I like that. Scott and I would be living in a house like this and I would be staying home to write and eat sunflower seeds all day.

A Little Quizcicle

When you get new clothing, say...for Christmas or otherwise, do you hang them up with the price tags still on or do you rip them off before you hang them?

Just curious.

In case you're wondering, Scott cuts his off. I leave mine on. Once those little paper tags fly away they just aren't new to me.

Well Pip Pip, and Cheerio.

The Cosmopolitan Great Britain salutes you for scoring a staggering 72%

You have a good appreciation for what counts as real English and what does not - but you still slip up from time to time. You may not be word perfect when it comes to spelling and grammar, but at least you don't go weak-kneed at the very thought of using an "S" instead of a "Z". Your grasp of the Queen's English is certainly sufficient for you to get by in England, but don't aim for a job at Buckingham Palace just yet.

I felt like there were a lot of trick questions in there. I couldn't tell if it was really asking me for the correct answers, or for what an Englishperson would say. Eh.

Via Diana.

Maybe it was that "condescending" part.

Which Food Network chef are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

In case the unreliable Quizilla image isn't showing up for ya, it says Alton Brown.

Via Chad.

Apropos...

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

Feh.

I don't know about all that. As much as I love Star Trek...

Shiested from LeeAnn.

Sounds about right.

*shiested from Amanda.

Saturday Memeishness

As jacked from LeeAnn. I owe myself a nice meme every now and again--it's like relishing that feeling you get from sticking Q-Tips into your ear canal.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

8:15 AM.

2. Diamonds or pearls?

Diamond pearls.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Holy shit on a popsicle stick, it's been a while. Umm...I think it was Collateral.

4. What is your favorite TV show?

Seeing as how I enjoy gore with a nice side of drama, probably "Dr. 90210."

5. What did you have for breakfast?

Coffee and cat hair.

6. What is your middle name?

It used to be René.

7. Favorite cuisine?

Greasy Southern slop.

8. What foods do you dislike?

Full-sized foods that come disguised as hor dourves.

9. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Today? Peach. My favorite favorite is a really good butter pecan. I think Maola makes a good one...or did anyway.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

An Astrud Gilberto compilation.

11. What kind of car do you drive?

A blue-green 1997 Honda Accord.

12. Favorite sandwich?

Hard salami on white bread with lettuce, pickles, banana peppers,provalone, and a good sloshing of oil/vinegar.

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Cheap-assedness

14. Favorite item of clothing?

My stretchy jeans...seeings as how they're the only pair of jeans I have that fit right now.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

I'd be content with Bermuda right now.

16. What color is your bathroom?

They're both white plus the color of whatever towels we're using this week.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

Old Navy. I worked there long enough to know their sizing in and out, and as a Gap offspring I know their clothing is made in the same factories at the same time. That's why a lot of the shit looks alike--because it is.

18. Where would you retire to?

Ideally, if the neighborhood doesn't go to shit, where I'm living right now. I put down roots and don't like them disturbed.

19. Favorite time of the day?

That three minutes of comfort right after I've closed my eyes to go to sleep at night.

20. What was your most memorable birthday?

I think I was six. My grandma made me a cake and when I was going to go blow out the candles, some asshole did it for me.

21. Where were you born?

Manhattan.

22. Favorite sport to watch?

Rhythmic Gymnastics. I'm kidding. When I did cheer and had to be at the games, I think I preferred football because the boys worked so much harder, but now sports just bore me.

23. Who do you least expect to copy this meme?

Least? Shit. Um...probably Ms.Thing.

24. Person you expect to copy it first?

Bob. He'd make it funny.

25. What fabric detergent do you use?

I'll ditto LeeAnn's response: "On Sale Brand"

26. Are you a morning person or a night person?

I used to be a night person who'd stay up all night and go to bed at 4 or 5 a.m. Now that whole "working" thing reverses that scheme. Now I'm a "Mid-morning" person. I'm at my best right before I hit that wall.

27. What is your shoe size?

7 1/2 women's. 6 men's. You see, Sis and I got the "big foot in ratio to short height" gene from Pop.

28. Do you have any pets?

1 grey hairball.

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends?

I cleaned the litterbox today.

30. What did you want to be when you were little?

A crotch doctor.

31. What are you doing today?

With what's left of the day I think I'll eat ice cream and buy beer.

Well, then.

Jacked from Karsh.

Aw, fooey.

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

Jacked from LeeAnn.

What's in my purse?

Geekgrrl wants to know what in our purses.

In my own defense, I usually have more than one of things because I'm batty and prematurely senile and think that I don't have it in there already. Besides that, I believe that the more something occurs in da purse, the more likely I am to find it while driving.