Makes me yearn for hard liquor.

Okay, here's an update. There's been some confusion about the true nature of my mother's condition. My sister and I have been fed information that was altered to elicit the mildest reaction possible. Here's the problem with lying to family members (especially adult ones): the truth is going to come out whether you want it to or not.

The information the neurosurgeon and hospital staff gave my grandmother and aunt on Monday was that my mother did have a stroke, and that there was massive bleeding and damage in her brain. She has both receptive and expssive aphasia, doesn't recognize anyone other than herself, and can carry out no higher thought processes. She knows that if her bladder is full she needs to go to the bathroom, but she can't analyze concepts or engage in any critical thought. The doctor does not feel she will return to her pre-stroke state.

What my grandmother told me on Monday: "They're letting her out of the ICU tomorrow. Yeah, when we left she was eating and her speech was much better. She was having a conversation with us."

According to my sister, my mother will be in ICU for at least another week. It seems that my sister and I are, in the absense of my mother's husband, next of kin since we're her adult children. Not my aunt. Not my grandmother. So even though they're standing right there, they can't really make any decisions for her. That's why a representative from the hospital called my sister in New York yesterday. My sister, thereby having a different account of events than what she had been fed, called my aunt to catch her in a lie (seeing as how my aunt was standing with the hospital rep. when she was speaking to my sister on the phone). My family is choosing to dilute information so that we can't make decisions.

Here's the thing - faith is all well and good, but medicine has its place. The decisions that my sister and I would make for my mother are likely to be vastly different from those that my aunt and grandmother would make. We're intelligent enough to research and ask technical questions and to know when hope isn't enough. I really, truly want my mother to get better. Just because I don't like her doesn't mean I don't love her. She is my mother, after all, and even though she's done me a lot of dirt (and felt justified in doing so), I wouldn't wish her current condition on anyone. My sister and I would never be so dirty as to throw my our mother into a home and let the state do whatever with her (even if we thought that it was Karma catching up to her). We would want her to have the same degree of care and therapy that we would want if we should happen to be in a similar situation.

I'm a little stressed right now. I need to call this woman and verify what she told my sister. If what she said as true, there's a lot of business that needs to be put into order. I'll deal with my grandma later and will just avoid calls in the meanwhile.

The second issue is what will happen to my brother. Should the decision fall to my sister and I, and this is another reason why I'm sure my grandmother and aunt don't want us making decisions, he would either be off in military school or else be a ward of the state. I don't have the energy to explain that situation right now, but I'll just tell you his reaction when my grandmother told him to get dressed to go see his mother at the hospital: "Fuck that bitch."

He's 15.

Posted by Tiffany at March 15, 2007 08:52 AM | TrackBack