Blown Fuse

Why did I...?

Do you ever forget why you're on the internet? You click open your browser and sit poised to type something in the address bar....and then you forget where you were going.

I do that frequently. When I can't remember what site it was that I had intention to go to, I always unconsciously type in blownfuse.mu.nu.

Do you ever do that? What's your "panic button" site that you type in when you can't remember where you were going?

A PSA from Momotrips:

Check out Haggis Ain't Cake. You know Robert. Allison of The World According to Allison has started a campaign to get Robert and his family on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition because of his whole situation - lost leg, 2 year infection, house falling down, daughters running the house, etc. We're all sending letters to Allison and she will send a packet along with Robert's family's tape to ABC. Wouldn't it be great for Robert to get a new home for his daughters - a new place WITH AIR CONDITIONING so that he can finally heal properly and get back to working full-time. He's only agreed to this because he wants it for his girls. His whole life is those girls. Check it out and write a letter if you feel so inclined.

As soon as I get out of my die! coworkers, die! rage, I'll type up the bestest letter you've ever seen!

Kissin' Cousins

Cletus and Clementine, sittin' in a tree...

So, first cousins from Pennsylvania make an Exodus to Delaware to get married.

I'm not even sure where to begin commenting on that. I will go as far as to say that biological children is a bad, bad idea--not so much from a genetic perspective, but from one of lineage. Dad would be both dad and, what, first cousin once-removed?

I don't know...maybe part of it has to do with the fact that I find my own cousins so distasteful and couldn't imagine doing such.

Here's Johnnie.

Did you hear that Johnnie Cochran died this afternoon?

I certainly didn't see that one coming. Not to take such matters lightly, but it's a good thing I don't play in one of those dead pools. I certainly believed that Rush Limbaugh would go first.

The Crappy T.V.

The Mister has purchased for himself a new game for the PlayStation II...so that means I'm temporarily banned from the living room t.v.

There are several problems with having to watch t.v. in the bedroom, namely 1) there's no VCR or DVD player attached, and 2) it's old as fuck, so it doesn't receive cable channels higher than 67.

Come to think of it, I think my new computer screen is the same size as the bedroom t.v...I wonder how much a tuner card would set me back (assuming I don't have one)...I'd probably come out ahead buying a new t.v.

*dabs eyes with tissue*

Carolina was still playing when I went to bed last night, and since the other two area teams (NC State and Duke) had been plucked out of the tournament, I feared that I would wake up with my boys out of the running.

Whew!

I do believe that if they'd lost I'd burn my Carolina keychain as an effigy.

A Public Service Announcement

When eating bunny-shaped ice cream cakes, the ears should be eaten first.

Woot woot!

One of my HP rebates arrived today. I need to run down to the ATM and deposit it so that I can have emergency cash in my checking account for this weekend.

*does a little money dance*

"The Office"

Did anyone else see NBC's new show The Office last night? I made a special effort to keep my eyes open until 9:30 to see it. While I wasn't utterly dissapointed, I did feel like the critics were right: we've taken another British black comedy and dumbed it down.

I actually like [most] British comedy, so I could see where the baton got dropped.

I'll see what happens next Tuesday. I won't pencil it into my permanent schedule just yet.

Slowing me down to 60 wpm

Does workman's comp reiumburse for Carpal Tunnel?

The problem with being around 5 feet tall is that no matter how much you pump up your swirly seat, you'll never be high enough to type comfortably at a standard height desk.

I need a jumbo monitor and a wireless keyboard. I'll buy it and expense it.

Yeah, right.

Beware of this pattern.

I've been working on the Koko Jacket for some time now. In fact, I think I started it back in November with the intention of giving it to a friend as a Christmas gift.

Well, I had some problems with the pattern. I figured I had made a few careless mistakes and left off a few rows when I couldn't get the sleeves to fit correctly into the shoulders. (I also had some other problems figuring out what the hell was supposed to be the right side which isn't exactly intuitive when you look at the finished product. The photo on the site is inadequate)

So, I ripped off both sleeves and redid one of them. Now they still don't fit. I know I followed the pattern to a tee. Either I'm an idiot, or this pattern is seriously screwed.

I don't know what to do. I've already wasted so much time and energy on this project that ripping it down would be painful. But I see now that the pattern is shit, and frankly I don't know how to write knitting patterns, so I can't just "fix it."

Oy.

I'll store it for a few months and when I've mustered my courage up I'll rip it and use the yarn for something else.

*clutches at heart*

I could tell that Terminix had been here by the big-ass footprints they left impressed into my already-too-compacted soil....that and the little white flags. Now, I understand they have to tread across certain places to get close to the foundation, but did they have to step right smack into the bed that is currently sprouting the early tips of my cannas? [shake your head "no"] Do I need to put up a knee-high barbed wire fence?

Poor babies. I have to go outside now and coddle them and tell them they're pretty or else they'll never come up.

At some point next week Terminix will be back to set up a fortress around the house to fend off the invading phalanxes of cockroaches water bugs. I can't say I'm excited about having so much poison around the house, but I have to say that I'm not particuarly fond of seeing large insects scuttle across my kitchen floor, either.

Grape Hyacinths are up.

I just love how they self-seed all over the place.

"Would you like to provide a credit card number now, or shall we bill you?"

Today at work I got a call from a pharmaceutical distributor who sells product to my doctor. It looks like I have to pay a $45 copay for each injection. Add that to $35 for each nurse visit where I go in to get said injection.

I'm going to go cut little green rectangles out of construction paper and roll around in them like they're dollar bills. It'll make me feel better.

A legitimate excuse for the telemarketers: "I'm broke, bitch."

I went to the doc for my post-op today. She seemed genuinely upset that I didn't call her after I left the hospital...I didn't know I was supposed to. Maybe she gets a lot of complainers calling the office begging for pills or something?

No new news, other than the fact that the injections that I have to get for six months are $400 a pop (no generics available). I think Blue Cross will pay 100% for that, but who knows. They may try to pull some shady shit and act like I can't read.

Blue Cross is going to pop a vein over this one--perfectly [otherwise] healthy 20-something that has already recieved more in insurance benefits for the year than she's ever paid. That'll learn them for jacking their rates up for us in the breeder age group--they should know we're going to try to get every penny back, even if we have to endure pelvic exams to do it.

Holy CRACKWHORE, Batman! I was typing this while waiting for my Blue Cross Blue Shield claims to load on their webpage and I had no idea that the anesthesiologist was going to bill separately. *jaw drops to floor*

Should I expect the little Leprechauns that were dancing in my head while I was under anesthesia to send me an invoice, too?

Fuckity fuck. I'm almost afraid to go to the mailbox.

Okay. Tiffany, be rational, find some perspective. You still have more student loan debt than you'll have from this little "vacation."

I confress.

It was Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody.

Because Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.

|<< last song

There's one song I can put on repeat and listen to over and over again. It's one of those songs where there's a "raise your cigarette lighter as applause" part, a "bang your head" part, and a "gibberish" part.

Anyone care to guess the song and band?

Up to my eyeballs

I just checked Blue Cross Blue Shield's website to see if they'd been billed for my hospital visit yet.

Yes.

Ouch.

My insurance plan is pretty crappy. Since 86% of the office is younger than thirty, we assumed we'd be healthy and have a plan that requires us to pay $35 copays because it meant we'd have less money docked from our pay each month to pay for our portion of the plan. Typically, BCBS will pay 60% after I've met my deductible. My deductible is $1000. I've paid $0 towards the dedctible this year.

If my calculations are correct, I owe about $3500.

I gues this means that breaking any bones is out of the question.

Well, then.

Jacked from Karsh.

?

I turn off my computer every day before I leave this office.

WHO THE FUCK TURNED IT BACK ON AND WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WERE YOU LOOKING FOR?

An upset would...

So, the mighty mighty Tar Heels will face Oakland in Charlotte.

I already pegged UNC as the winner in that bracket before I knew who the team would be. If Oakland upsets them I swear I'll...I don't know. Swear?

Cheap fix.

Okay, see, I was wrong. It wasn't 64 in here. It was even colder and the thermostat was stuck. I ended up waddling myself up in a blanket and pretending it was an igloo.

Last night I submitted a request on Service Magic to go ahead and line up some repair quotes for today. One contractor happened to be monitoring his inbox at the moment and called us immediately and told us that he could come in an hour and take a look at it for $70. And he did. He didn't try to gouge us on overtime or after hours charges or whatever else they call it.

It turned out that something tripped the switch on the furnace and that's why it was blowing cold. He couldn't find a reason why it would do it on its own, so it was probably some rabid squirrel crawling around in there.

Aren't you happy I didn't freeze to death? *overdramatic*

Huddled Masses Wanted for Heat.

I came home and the temperature inside the house was 62 degrees although set at 72. Further, the heater is blowing cold air and it won't shut off. It's supposed to get really really cold by tomorrow morning and our heat isn't working (yes, we paid the bill).

People want $112/hr to come out to look at it tonight.

Screw that.

Zee BracketManager

I am really not this fanatical. But, I figured...if Jessica Simpson can pick a few just based on how much she likes their uniforms, I could take a stab based on brain cells and a very intricate calculation involving the number of braids on the men on the team divided by the numbers on the jersies multiplied by the anticipated number of fights in the parking lot.

Go Heels. Beat Dook. Rah.

I found out about the Bloggers Bracket at Not Exactly Rocket Science whom I linked to from The Carnival of the Recipes where Caltechgirl has a Dr Pepper meatball recipe posted. I've got UNC and UCLA facing off in the finals with a total score of 87. Shh.

I wonder.

When I was hobbling out to the mailbox earlier at work (you know, you never realize how high up the curb is until you have stitches and forget to step down gingerly) I heard a dude on his cell phone talking to who, I guess, was his doctor.

He said something along the lines of "yeah, I'm still on my crutches. I can't even get off of them without feeling any pain. The medication I have isn't helping. I'm taking Vicodin [insert very high dosage here]. I'll need something else."

The bastard was walking around with no assistance of said crutches with his little pothead friend waiting in the car for him (said pothead friend is the son of the guy who rents the suite next to ours and works there according to his own hours and schedule).

I immediately suspected that he was a fucking poser, but who am I to judge? The two then drove off in a tricked-out Nissan with a very loud muffler making very sure to top second gear before they got out of the 100 feet to the business park exit.

*scratches head*

children. I really hope there's some system in place where the prescribing doctor won't just call in a new precription to the pharmacy without seeing the patient again. They're trying so hard to crack down on freakin' cough syrup over the counter, but if it's that easy to get drugs....sheesh.

Okay, I can see calling the doc and pleading for mercy because you're seeing purple horseshoes and rainbows whenever you close you eyes, but how can they tell you're not b.s.ing them?

Turn out the light.

Does anyone see anything morally wrong with slinking around the neighborhood in the dark and snipping sprigs of certain neighbors' flowering bushes? I'm just wondering because I it would be a favor to those neighbors because they'd be getting those unruly runners clipped....right?

*Cough*

When my alarm clock went off this morning and I wasn't met with a surge of pain around my stitches or a burning gnaw in my lower back, I figured I should go to work. And so I did.

Oops! informed my that everyone was inquiring on what exactly I had operated on. She played blonde and pretended not to know anything. I should have instructed her to tell them that I was having an attitude adjustment.

I spent the day surpressing coughs, all the while trying to expel a few drops of water from my trachea (how'd those get there?).

BossMan now has a desk out in the bullpen where he can keep an ear to the ground/crack the whip more easily...which makes it very difficult to check my personal email, surf the web, and check my Netflix queue. *sigh*

On to good things: I'm off the painkillers now, so I can resume my regularly scheduled beer intake. Check the extended entry to see the two-piece business suit I wore to work today. It does wonders for abdominal stitches.

Don't hate me bucause I'm sophisticated.

Synchronize Your Watches...

I spent a goodly portion of this morning, namely the gap between 5 am and 12:30 barfing every fifteen minutes.

You know what the problem with barfing every fifteen minutes is when you haven't had anything to eat since around 6 yesterday?

Of course you do.

I think it's time to hide the good drugs in the junk drawer and switch back to Advil.

I'm still waiting for my stomach to deflate, too, so one good thing is that work has one strike against it tomorrow. Those suckers won't know what's coming when I do go back.

A Little Clarification

Excuse that last scatter-brained post. What I really meant to say was that all these years I have not been a hypochondriac and that I do/did have endometriosis.

I have to go back to the doctor in two weeks to begin getting hormone surpression shots.

I'm contemplating whether I should post the pictures....

Thanks to all who were sending good mojo my way!

Gloop.

Suspicions confirmed.

Stuff burned off.

High on drugs.

good night.

Bad Business

Okay, so. (Yes, I'm still at home. I have to check in to the hospital at 1:30 today. Why, yes, I am starving and craving a gallon on water. How did you know?)

The Service Magic-affiliated schmuck that was supposed to stop by two weeks ago to give me an estimate on cleaning up the yard finally got back to me with an estimate. In his "estimate" he basically stated that he couldn't do it because he only mows residential yards. On his own website he states that he does spring clean-ups and fall leaf removal. So, ??????

That sounds ass-backwards to me. In my original request for a quote I stated that I needed leaf removal and de-thatching.

Somehow this idiot thinks that I'm so stupid that I don't know the difference between moss and thatch. And I quote:

"I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I looked at you yard and it's something that we don't do. We do residential work, but only those that we mow. You yard has allot of Moss, I think you called it thatch. IT can we controlled by adjusting the pH of the soil. If you just remove the moss, you are going to create a erosion problem. Good luck and Thanks for considering XXX landscaping"......

Excuse me? Did we not speak on the phone and I told you quite bluntly that I needed all of the FUCKING LEAVES REMOVED and that there was a lot of THATCH BUILD-UP UNDER the leaves? Did you not say "Okay?" At any point did I ever say anything about mowing grass? WE DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING GRASS! Do you know why you see moss? Because THAT'S WHAT'S GROWING ON TOP OF THE THATCH, YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!

*regains composure*

I don't like liars. He didn't show up at the scheduled time, and then didn't call when he was supposed to, so that's two strikes. If he didn't want to do the job or was unable to, that's what he should have said. I don't need creative little excuses. There's nothing wrong with my pH. Theoretically it's the exact same as my neighbors' right? Well, they all have grass with no maintenance. Shit, WE have grass in the back yard.

I think I'm going to cross my fingers and place an ad for some college kid to come in and do it for like $7 bucks an hour. Maybe I won't get an axe-murderer.

Use a watch!

Some weirdo called Scott's phone at like 6:20 this morning asking what my phone number is.

Was it you?

Stop it.

Well, you'll just have to force me.

I've been forcing paperwhites in my house in different media. The ones in the pictures are basically gravel and water. The rest in the house, which are growing at about 1/3 the rate, are growing in sterilized topsoil.

Eeeeenteresting.

Creepy

My computer just told me to replace my wireless mouse battery.

How does it know?

Scary, this technology thing.

Things I can't stand

An arm and a leg.

(Wow. That was a really random title. I don't know why I typed that. Must be that mild case of Monday I came down with this morning.)

So. I do that thing this coming Friday. I didn't think they'd be able to pull everything together that fast, but they did. I have to see my LadyBits Doctor tomorrow for whatever pre-op thing they do and then have to go straight to the hospital to meet with the anesthesiologist. I guess he or she will take my weight and blood pressure or whatever it is they do to ensure that they don't give me an elephant dose of anesthetic. I don't want to be one of those people who wakes up and throws up.

The next available date they had to do the procedure was the 22nd which is a Tuesday. That would have required me to miss too many days of work...and as much as I like missing a good day of work or three, I don't think I have enough sick time built up.

I think this would be a good time to start a new knitting project.

Would you like some Monday?

Today I took with me to work for lunch two containers of salad dressing.

And no salad.

Oy (Not Dude-Friendly).

So...I'm going to do it. I spoke about this some last year before my blownfuse.us archives went shitdizzle. For those of you who don't know the backstory I'll work on digging that out of my dinosaur laptop some time later.

I'm not excited.

I need to find out just how much this is going to cost me--my insurance is pretty shitactular (I have a $35 copay everytime I go to the doc). I may have to give up beer for a couple of months.

I've let Bossman know that I'm going to have a "procedure" done in the near future and left it at that.

I guess I can look forward to having a couple of days off of work, even if I will be miserable.

$2.49 worth of sentiment.

I don't subscribe to any religion (other than secularism). The only thing you'll ever find me worshiping is a Krispy Kreme donut.

That said, I must confess that I send out an obscene amount of holiday cards. The problem with being a child of the boonies is that everyone you know from your childhood is Christian...and they don't know that you're a devout secularist, nor do you plan on elucidating them to that fact.

I've somehow become the emmisary of tidings of hope and a bright future to all who attended my grandma's church. It's fun having a bunch of people pissed off at you because their momma, aunt, or granma won't stop berating them for having a kid at 14 and not going to college and not being like Tiffany. Oh, if they only knew. It was my destiny to get the hell up out of there. Don't they know that counties like that repel college graduates?

...I had a point in there but I lost it.

Oh yes, cards.

I have a stack of Easter cards that I promised to people. I bought the least Jesus-y ones I could find.

"But, Tiffany," you say, "He's the reason for the season!"

T'is true. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone as it is to be sending Easter cards in the first place. I want people to know I'm thinking about them, but I don't want to send them sentiments I don't believe in myself. So...I got four cards with gold foil butterflies on the front, one with a gold foil Egg, and one with a cross.

My plan is for Scott and I to take a snapshot of ourselves and stick it in there. The last time I sent out a photo was in 2002, so eh.

I think for this Christmas I'm sending out TiffanyDVDs.

Put on your workin' shoes.

There are a few things I'd like to accomplish today, most of them involving yard work.

The landscaper that was supposed to stop by last week to give me an estimate on cleaning up the front yard never did. When I was at Jiffy Lube getting my oil changed he called and asked if he could come early, wondering if it mattered if I were home. I told him I'd be a while since Jiffy Lube was backed up and to come on out. He said he'd call me in the afternoon to let me know his impressions.

Well, I don't know if he ever showed up, but he certainly never called me. He had at least three different phone numbers to access me at so whatever cockamamie excuse he had at not showing doesn't fly with me. Incidentally, it was someone I found through Service Magic. I contemplated leaving him a bad rating and a nasty comment on his page, but I restrained myself.

I've resigned myself to cleaning up the yard alone. If I were slightly less antisocial I'd go across the street and ask Lady with Huge Dog who that country bumpkin' who cleans up her yard is. I'm sure he'd charge a helluva lot less than anyone who has ads posted on the internet. He doesn't even look like the sort who knows how to use a computer.

Eh. Wish me luck.

Tips from Tiff

For all you ladies, and some guys who wear ladies' jeans, here's a tip:

If for whatever reason you've acquired a beer-butt and are filled with too much self loathing to buy jeans in the next size up, just get the ones with the "stretch" label. You won't need talcum powder for these.

I want to tell you a secret.

I just bought a Deep Fat Fryer at Bed, Bath, and Beyond ($10 cheaper than list price). I'm so excited, I can feel my arteries hardening now!

I'd like my 2 degrees back.

Scott's been in Minnesota on business for the past couple of days.

You know, the house is a lot colder when you have to sleep alone. That whole "jump at every bump in the night" thing isn't so fun, either.

Shut it down.

Why do people always feel the need to let you know when you've missed something "good" by your own choice? I'm referring to the Lunch & Learn mentioned in the previous post.

I told my boss at least six times that I would not go. I'm sorry if it hurt his pride.

So, what's the first thing he does when he comes back into the office? In his loudest voice comments "You missed a really good lunch!"

"Good" by what standards? Free? Fuck that. My hot apple pies and quarter pounder were fabulous, thank you.

Same thing from the very next person to come into the office. I didn't bother to respond.

Lunch & Learn

Okay, this is work-related, but it isn't a rant. See, I'm trying here!

My boss put his business card in one of those fishbowls salespeople place out in restaurants to farm names and numbers from.

Well, his card got drawn and he "won" a free lunch for 15 people courtesy of American Express Financial Advisors.

In order to get the free lunch everyone would have to listen to a presentation about their services and then they would get to eat, fully expecting to receive a follow-up call from the rep.

I didn't go. "Free" is all well and good and everything, but there just seems something wrong about having to be solicited to get your prize. I certainly do not need any advisement from American Express.

Have you ever been to one of these deals? Was it worth it?

Um...who?

Why would someone take a phone message that included only a person's name and phone number? Am I supposed to know this person? What do you want me to do with this post-it note? Stick it on the phone in case they call back?

Ringadingaling.

I'm shopping around for a new cell phone. There's nothing wrong with the LG I have, it's just that it's a couple of years old and the buttons are starting to peel from cosmetics corrosion.

It's been a super handy-dandy li'l phone....but now it's just gross.

I'm finding it hard to believe that to by a new phone without a Sprint PCS contract extenstion is going to cost me $350 bucks (a la Best Buy).

Where can I find a better deal? I only paid $40 for the one I have now so I'm quite obviously not looking to shit out a ton of money.

Smite me with inconvenience.

I just got back from "Jiffy" Lube. I sat in the reception area for two hours waiting for a basic oil change and safety insepction.

Two fucking hours. And there was one car in the lane in front of me.

To add insult to injury, they forgot to rotate my tires. It's a good thing they fessed up and told me because I'm really not car-savvy enough to know if it had been done or not. They could have charged me the extra $20 and I'd never have suspected otherwise.

*sigh* They did comp me a free rotation for whenever "I have time." I'll have new tires before that time comes.

And I had to sit next to a guy who reeked of whisky and menthol cigarettes.

And then the gas pump didn't print my receipt.

And then I drove to the Hallmark store and discovered that they're closed for renovations.

And then I drove to Kroger and learned that location has disappeared.

*zip!*

This is my monthly errand-running day. It's so hard to get things done on weekends, especially when that's when other people choose to do them then as well.

I usually take a half-day after payday to take care of things: medical appointments, oil changes, dry cleaning, etc.

Today, not only do I have people coming out to give me an estimate on getting rid of the mosquitos in the yard, but a landscaper is stopping by as well to gve me a quote. I want to get the yard taken care of before the monsoon season begins so that there may be some minute chance of us growing grass this year.

I need to pick up some Easter/Happy Spring cards.

I need to get my car inspected and an oil change (hello, Jiffy Lube).

I need to pick up a prescription.

This would probably be a good day to pay bills, too.

I may possibly be able to squeeze in a grocery run, too.

*mumbles incoherently*

Sometimes I feel like a circus clown...the one with the little shovel that follows the elephants and cleans up their shit.

Don't you just love having to fix other peoples' fuck-ups? I really like the part where they blame you for their misjudgements. That's my favorite!!!!!!!!!